Yearly evaluation time came around again for our little
family. It’s a time of nervousness- and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t
hoping for there to show some across the board improvement in Natalie’s
development. And although her social skills were above average and cognitive
skills on par, fine-motor & gross motor were delayed and speech was on the
line. So our little family is gaining a developmental therapist and we hope that
she is as much a blessing to Natalie as her Physical Therapist is now.
For those of you who don’t know how an early intervention
evaluation meeting goes, it’s something along the lines of a game of 20
questions on steroids. Your mind is racing trying to think back about
everything that your child does or doesn’t do. On the questions you can answer
yes to and give examples for it’s the coolest feeling. You’re showing videos
and telling stories of cute things they did in regards to that particular
milestone. You’re all excited to share because you’re there every day. You see
the little improvements and the efforts that go into kicking a ball or figuring
out a shape sorter. Those milestones were earned in sweat and meltdowns and
countless hours of encouragement. And you bet your boots you’re gonna tell
anyone who asks all about it.
But then comes the “what are some of the things you don’t
see with your child” questions. There’s the questions you can’t say yes to, and
a little bit of your heart sinks. I think it’s because in that moment you blatantly
see what you’ve almost forgot- that things
are going to be different for them- harder. Not impossible but not as easy or
as quick for our children like it is for most others.
As Natalie ages those “Things I don’t see” questions get
harder and harder to answer. Because I don’t see things the way I did a year
ago when her diagnosis was fresh and scary and every little action or inaction
was scrutinized and studied. I don’t see the classic Sotos features in the
shape of her head and eyes. I see eyes as blue as my mothers and hair the exact
shade as her father’s. I see my smile on her little face. I see Natalie and she
is “normal” to me.
It took me a while to see that the “things I don’t see” are
not the things that truly matter. Don’t get me wrong, developmental skills are
very important. I definitely am the type of Mom to do everything in my power to
make sure she has every resource made available to foster her development. But
I’m not going to let the things I don’t see overshadow the things I do. Determined.
Fiesty. Kind. Happy. Funny. Beautiful. Cherished. Loved. Wanted. Strong. -
those are the things I see when I look at my daughter. That won’t ever change.
