Wednesday, October 2, 2013

How do you cope?

I had a pregnant woman ask me: I am expecting a similar situation with my son who's due at the end of the year, so I just want to ask: did you know about this while you were pregnant? How did you cope?

The quick answer: After I had the diagnosis and started looking it up, I'll admit I panicked a little. It's scary to think of the things our kids will go through. But I coped with it by looking at my daughter. Really looking at her and realizing I was blessed. She's alive and happy and she relies on me. Who's going to teach her to be strong? Who's going to teach her to shatter stereotypes? Build up her self-esteem? encourage her to stretch the limits of her diagnosis? Who's going to teach her to take life for what it is and LIVE it? If not me, who? The world is a cruel place for people who are different. I wasn't going to make it crueler by not accepting my daughter for who she is... She taught me that we may not have a choice in what happens to us in regards to our genetic make up but we have a choice in how we respond to it. Choose Happiness. That's how I coped.

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Choosing happiness, that's what it's really all about. At least it is for me. We can only really control one thing in our lives and that is how we react to situations. In that regards, it's all on us and we rise above or fall on our own merits. Choosing happiness isn't easy and I'll admit there are times when I find it really really really hard to do. But the alternative isn't worth the cost. What is the point in being jaded? Who does it help? Not us and certainly not our children.

Being a good parent requires you to be self-less. Not in the sense where you never go out and do things for yourself. I'm not talking about that kind of thing, I believe that moms and dads need time to relax and take a break. What I'm talking about is being self-less in how you feel about your children. I think a lot of parents get into the trap of saying "How does my child reflect on me?". If my child is different, are they going to think less of me? To that I say: STOP IT!

First rule of being a mom of a kiddo with special needs: Stop caring about how other people think of you. We've got too much on our plates already to waste time on petty stuff like that. If someone thinks less of you due to your circumstances, if someone doesn't want to be around your family or isn't accepting of people with special needs... trust me you are better off without those people in your lives. Don't pity yourself or your child, pity the poor ignorant fools who will never know the power and peace in accepting people for who they are.

But at the end  of the day, coping really isn't an issue. There's nothing to cope with when your greatest blessing is holding her arms out and calling your name.

God Bless and Take Care Guys!

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